Please note that the following page contains information which is unsuitable for younger readers – in fact, if you are under 16, click the ‘back button’ on your browser right now before we all get into trouble of your Mum and Dad!
Assuming that you are still reading, let’s get down to the nitty gritty of your first night as husband and wife and the bit that still fills some with dread - the act of consummating the marriage.
Now whilst we love the whole romance of ‘saving yourself for that special person’, we are not naive enough to think that each and every one of you reading this will be doing just that. However, there will be a few of you who have remained loyal to your views/religion and from all of us here at Weddingsday may we say how you should be rightly proud of yourselves for resisting all the temptation that 21st Century life has placed in your way. The following paragraph is especially dedicated to you guys and gals and is well worth a read, especially if you are nervous in anyway shape or form about what’s coming up. For the rest of you hussies, go straight to the ‘Spicing it Up’ paragraph on page three and begin your reading there!
The First Time
First things first, the act of love making is perfectly natural and there is nothing obscene about it nor reason to be nervous. Now we’re not going to patronise you by telling you about the birds and the bees, there are websites out there dedicated to that kind of thing and to be honest we don’t really want to mention the words penis or vagina unless really necessary (d’oh!). What we do want to touch on is how to approach the courtship mentally to ensure that it is something that you are both looking forward to and not dreading all the way through the vows, speeches and beyond.
For those of you reading this part of the article, we can assume that you fall into one of two camps – a). ‘Neither of you have made love before’, or b). ‘Only one of you has made love before’. If you are both virgins, then that’s great - you both start from the same point and can learn together, and whilst you may have nerves, you can bet your partner does also. If only one of you is a virgin, then you really need to talk to your partner about how you feel and ask them to show understanding and be gentle – you can bet your bottom dollar that they will, and you’ll be amazed how much a quick chat will help diffuse any worries.
Whether you fall into category 'a' or 'b' then the following golden rules of marriage consummation should be helpful. Read them wisely and commit to memory, the last thing you want to do is to be faffing around with a printout of this whilst your partner is lying naked twiddling their thumbs!:
1. Relax: The most important thing you can do is to relax and enjoy it.
2. Don’t expect everything to go smoothly: You’ve both had a long day and are physically and mentally drained so don’t expect a flawless bedroom gymnastic performance.
3. Make love, don’t have sex: The key to it all. Sex tends to be lustful and (according to what we've heard...ahem) over pretty quickly. Love making is sensuous and bonding, overall a much more pleasurable experience than the former!
4. Have a laugh: You don’t have to be poker faced throughout. Making love is fun, so smile and giggle (at the appropriate moments!)
5. Practice makes perfect!: Enough said.
Spicing Things Up
Whether it’s your first time or you’re a seasoned pro, the act of lovemaking can be different every time, and there’s no harm in spicing it up every now and again – in fact, what better place to do so than on the first night of your Honeymoon. With that in mind, here are some handy ideas that may help you out in that department:
· Wear some sexy lingerie: Purchased in advance, sexy lingerie is an essential part of any Bride’s outfit. Have a discussion about 6 months before the Big Day to find out what your partner finds sexy in the way of underwear and surprise them on the night. This one ain’t just for the girls either – you fellas out there should put some effort in on this front too!
· Keep your outfits on: We all have our fantasies, and let’s face it how many other times will you both have these outfits on? Go on, live a little.
· Create an ambiance: Dim the lights, light some candles and scented jos-sticks, put that Barry White album on to play and away you go. Creating the right atmosphere to get you in the mood involves arousing all the senses – sound and smell are just as important as sight and touch when it comes to love-making.
For the remainder of your honeymoon, why not pack some saucy novels, massage oils, squirty cream and perhaps even a copy of the Karma Sutra to get you in the mood. You may also find skinny dipping or putting into practice some of the more romantic Magical Memories we suggest of ‘use’.
Do you have to make love on the first night?
The simple answer is no – there is nothing in any rule book we’ve read that says that unless the marriage is consummated within a few hours then it is declared null and void. In fact, the figure for couples who don’t make love on their first night as a married couple is surprisingly high, so if you happen to fall into this category then you certainly won’t be alone.
Planning a Wedding is an exhausting thing to do - in fact the only thing that’s more tiring is the day itself. The pair of you will be on your feet all day, having been up at the crack of dawn and will probably be two of the last people to leave – after 12 or more hours solid of being the centre of attention, can you really be ready to perform in the bedroom department?
The act of lovemaking in a marriage is important, and a good sex life is just as important as being open, honest and faithful to one another. A good sex life does not mean that you need to be at it like rabbits permanently – as long as you do it often enough to satisfy both your needs then that’s just tickety-boo. However, if the reason you are not making love is because you are avoiding it, then you need to sit down and discuss things with your partner at the earliest opportunity – in fact, you are probably reading this before you’re married, so if you do fall into this ‘avoider’ category, go and talk to them now.
Married couples always remember their first night – whether it’s just because they both passed out with pure exhaustion or because they were up all night making sweet love, it is a time that is forever etched on the memory. Whatever you get up to on your first night as a married couple, enjoy it, make sure that you aren’t too drunk to forget it, and keep the noise down!
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