Q: Help, I'm Really Worried About the Impending Marriage Consummation!
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First things first, the act of love making is perfectly natural and there is nothing obscene about it nor reason to be nervous. Now we’re not going to patronise you by telling you about the birds and the bees (there are plenty of resources out there dedicated to that kind of thing!) but what we do want to touch on is how it's important to approach the courtship in the right state of mind so that it's something that you both look forward to and not dread all the way through the vows, speeches and beyond.
For those of you reading this, we can assume that you fall into one of two camps – a). ‘Neither of you have made love before’, or b). ‘Only one of you has made love before’.
If you are both virgins, then that’s great - you both start from the same point and can learn together, and whilst you may have nerves, you can bet your partner does also. If only one of you is a virgin, then you really need to talk to your partner about how you feel and ask them to show understanding and be gentle – you can bet your bottom dollar that they will, and you’ll be amazed how much a quick chat will help diffuse any worries.
Regardless of whether you fall into category 'a' or 'b' then the following golden rules of marriage consummation should be helpful. Read them wisely and commit to memory, the last thing you want to do is to be fumbling around with a printout of this whilst your partner is lying naked twiddling their thumbs!:
- Relax: The most important thing you can do is to relax and enjoy it.
- Don’t expect everything to go smoothly: You’ve both had a long day and are physically and mentally drained so don’t expect a flawless bedroom gymnastic performance!
- Make love, don’t have sex: The key to it all. Sex tends to be lustful and (according to what we've heard...ahem) over pretty quickly. Love making is sensuous and bonding, overall a much more pleasurable and romantic experience than the former! Let's face it, you'll have plenty of time for sex in the years and months ahead.
- Have a laugh: You don’t have to be poker faced throughout. Making love is fun, so smile and giggle (at the appropriate moments!)
- Practice makes perfect!: Enough said.
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