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BEST MAN SPEECH JOKES & QUOTES


Humorous Quotes and Funny Best Man Speech Jokes

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So here it is, and the pressure's on. The Father of the Bride and the Groom have made their speeches, and the guests are all sat up in their chairs waiting for the big one. You could play it safe and swerve the humour althogether, but we wouldn't advise it. So instead, roll up your sleeves, and begin to pen the funniest Best Man speech of all time.
 
To help create a memorably funny Best Man speech, you're going to need some good material. Whilst the Groom's past antics will probably provide the bulk of it, Best Man speech jokes, quotes and one-liners will help to make your speech the finished article.
 

This article take a look at some of the top wedding quotes, Best Man speech jokes and one liners around, and when incorporated into your Best Man speech, they'll help to get the audience laughing in no time.

 

 

Best Man Speech Jokes

 

Weddingsday A few years ago I invited the Groom around for dinner and my wife/partner flew off the handle. "Why have you invited him around? she said, "The dishes are dirty, there's no food in the house and you can think again if you want me to cook you both a nice meal". "Exactly" I said, "The poor guy's thinking of getting married!"

 

Weddingsday The other day I asked my wife if she'd ever cheated on me and, whilst reluctant at first she eventually admitted she had on two occassions. 'When was the first?' I asked. 'Well remember when you needed that operation on holiday but we didn't have travel insurance so we couldn't afford to pay? But then out of nowhere the doctor agreed to do it for free?'. "Wow - you did that for me - I am so lucky to have you. When was the other?". 'Well, remember when you wanted to become captain of the golf club and were 23 votes short?'.....

 

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Weddingsday MI5 were looking to recruit a new secret agent and have three men in for interview. The first man comes in and sits down.

 

"Do you love your wife?" asks the interviewer. "Yes I do" replies the first man. "Well do you love your country?". Again the man replies 'yes'. "Which do you love more, your wife or your country?" asks the interviewer. "My country, of course." replies the man. "It's time to prove it then. Your wife is in the room next-door - take this gun in and kill her."

 

Without even entering the room, the guy looks at the man, says "I can't do it" and walks out.

 

The second man comes in for interview and is asked the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him the gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The man enters the room, and all is silent. About 5 minutes later he comes back in tears saying he can't do it, and leaves.

 

The third guy comes in, gets the same questions and gives the same responses. With gun in hand the man enters the room and BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! followed by thuds, crashes and a host of screams. The man comes back out of the room and puts the gun on the table.

 

The interviewer looks at him and says, "What happened?". Quick as a flash, the man replies, "You'd only gone and put blanks in the gun by mistake, so in the end I had to strangle her!"

 

more wedding speech jokes...

 

 

Best Man Speech Quotes

 

Weddingsday Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution? (Groucho Marx)

 

Weddingsday I always cry at weddings, especially my own. (Humphrey Bogart)

 

Weddingsday A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. (Paul Sweeney)

 

Weddingsday Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. (John Lyly)

 

Weddingsday Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. (Mickey Rooney)

 

Weddingsday Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. (Oscar Wilde)

 

Weddingsday A man in love is incomplete until he is married.  Then he's finished. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

 

more wedding quotes...

 

 

Best Man Speech One Liners

 

Weddingsday If I'm the best man, why is X marrying Y?

 

Weddingsday It's nice to see that the Groom has finally found a woman he can legally date.

 

Weddingsday When the groom told me I was the best man, I must admit, I did agree with him.

 

Weddingsday I've been very nervous about making this speech today, so I prepared a few lines. Having taken them, i feel loads better.

 

more wedding one liners...

 

 

Recommended Reading

 

For those of you wanting to find out more, we've a whole host of other wedding speech articles on the site packed full of expert information and inspirational ideas, not to mention our online wedding directory that's filled with toastmasters, speech writers and more.

 
For friendly tips and helpful advice take a look at our wedding speech forum, or why not check out the 'related articles' and 'pages & websites you may like' below.
 

 
 

Wedding Website

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Wedding WebsiteHypnotic Tracks - Overcome your wedding speech nerves

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